Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
