We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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