Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
