I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
