I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
