everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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