dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
