fuck your aforementioned shoe
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
