I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
not ubering you a puppy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
