I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
