i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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