This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize