How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
