3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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