Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
