There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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