Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
