11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
