Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
