You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
