New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
