youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
