Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
