Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
