I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
