so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize