I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
