if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
