Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
