I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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