someone threw a dead crab at me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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