If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
