She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
