Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
