We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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