If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
