My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
