In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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