Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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