explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
