what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
