you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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