i think i have two assholes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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