His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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