I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
