At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
