do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
