I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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