saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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