Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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