low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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