He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
