Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
