I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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