her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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