i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
