I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Randomize
