i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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