Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
