Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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