I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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