No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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