she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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