Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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